He chose to go to a sorority house. Klew, Darby, and myself are all sorority members, from different organizations. We've all lived in sorority housing. I was just yesterday explaining to one of my good friends who went to NYU and wasn't Greek how a sorority house works and who all lives there and how much I loved it. I teared up telling her about my 85 year old house mother I loved like a grandmother (this is a big deal, I don't cry. I have yet to cry in 2014). He chose to go somewhere I always felt safe, I always felt at home. I never once thought living with 80 girls would ever translate to living in a targeted space. It never occurred to me to think it unsafe.
While I was at KU, I was president of our Panhellenic Association (which no one my English and History classes believed because no one believed I was in a sorority, but again, for another day). I was truly proud and protective of my community, because I loved these women. I loved their strength and successes and I loved how we pushed each other to do better, to be better. I loved that even when we didn't live up to expectations, these women weren't afraid to own up and resolve our issues together. But during my presidency, more often than I ever expected, I received texts, calls, emails, "Kathryn, just so you know, some guy tried to get in the house", "Kathryn, just so you know, girls were followed home", "Kathryn, has this happened to anyone else? Has anyone else talked to you about this?" The Panhellenic Association at Kansas is the largest women's organization on campus. I knew if these women had questions and problems, it went beyond our large sample size, it had to be a problem across campus. We never had a situation as extreme as UCSB. That doesn't mean we didn't have scary situations.
It made me mad. It made me furious to see the worry on these girls' faces, scared to speak up and scared that they might not be able to keep their sisters safe. It made me mad how often fraternity men were more often than not on guard for these girls while out at night, especially as many of these men had grown up with these women in Kansas. It made me mad these fraternity men didn't think it was safe enough for me to walk home alone. It made me mad that I worried they were right.
I was lucky, I made friends with women's organizations on campus and I built bonds to help create real momentum for women's safety and issues on our campus. I was even luckier to have a Director of Risk Management on our Panhellenic Executive Board who understood that her job could, and should, be more than monitoring party violations. She went to work creating programs on health, personal safety, consent, all of these major issues that she felt responsible to, at the very least, make an effort to reach out to any of our women who may need that extended hand. These were not easy conversations, but she was determined to be an open and clear resource, in any way she could. I am still so grateful to her, her vision, and her determination to make us safer, to make us closer.
I read the news about these stories and I'm sick. I see #YesAllWomen trend on twitter and I'm both heartened by honesty and then sick again to see "that's why you shouldn't friend zone a guy" as an apparently valid and popular response. I'm mad. I think about those sorority sisters who have had their home taken from them- it will never be the same. It will never be as it was before. And I'm just livid. I think about how often "feminist" is misunderstood and considered a dirty word, how both men and women I look up to don't want to use it, and I'm angry. I think about the fact that this young man specifically targeted women, and if it was any other group, we'd have a different conversation. I think about those emails and calls and conversations in college, I think about the girls abducted Nigeria from their school- where they were supposed to be safe, I think about my friend who told me just today she is coming home early from her study abroad overseas because her roommate was sexually assaulted at knifepoint. I think about these things and my head spins.
I think about these things and my temperature rises, and my voice gets louder, because every time I think I can't hear one more story, I do. And while I'm happy to see efforts like this one from the White House, it does occur to me that women have voices too. It does occur to me that our voices should be enough, it shouldn't take James Bond.
We're a big fan of lady heroes here. Darby and Klew are already two of my lady heroes, which they should know if they don't. I don't know about you, but I'm not about to see any current or future lady heroes get scared into silence or inaction. This is me using my voice the best way I know how, just yet. I'll keep trying to find better ways to use it.
I'll get back to trying to be funny about pop culture and my efforts in winning you over with my exceptional taste in all things, but I just had to write this. I keep thinking about watching The Punk Singer, and how yet another lady hero, Kathleen Hanna, put it so clearly for me:
So thanks for reading, for just a minute, a bit of my truth today. I'm not exaggerating.
Kickass Hoven. This is powerful.
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