i cry at everything.

Earlier this week I found out that an old teammate of mine had her dad pass away. I was bummed when I heard the news, and felt so sad for her. Mom and I found out when the memorial service was and went last night, because she and her family had been a big part of my life for a long time and we wanted to support them. I knew it was going to be sad, but I had no idea the service would hit me like it did.

The service was called a "Celebration of Life." We, being Catholics, didn't really understand what this meant. The Catholics have a system for funerals and it's always the same. This wasn't Catholic so we didn't really know what we were in for. We thought it was probably going to be a receiving line. In, hug, love, out. We got into the church and found it was just a bunch of his friends and families telling stories about his life.

You guys it profoundly impacted me.

I started crying the second my friend took the microphone to deliver one of her father's many eulogies. If you know anything about me I have a HUGE soft spot for any father/daughter things. Dad's weekend is my very favorite thing. I cry literally any time I see a dad walk his daughter down the aisle.

I thought I would wipe my tears at the end of the service and carry on with my life with a sparkle in my heart for my friend and her family. Not the case. We went to meet MY Dad at Olive Garden for dinner. I started crying immediately when I saw him, and he just hugged me while I sobbed. In the middle of the Olathe Olive Garden. It just makes my heart SWELL at the notion that I just watched a dear friend of mine speak about how much she will miss her father, meanwhile I got to enjoy a nice evening on a patio with mine. Get to make him laugh and have him tell me he's proud of me.  Get to have him kiss me goodnight. I thought about how unfair it was how some people have to say goodbye to their dads so early while I still get to have mine. Then on the other hand I think of how desperately thankful I am that I still get to have mine. The gratefulness is all-consuming. It brings me to my knees. It reduces me to a puddle. I simply cannot stop crying. I'm crying as I write this.

Then I got to thinking about how amazing it is that I am a person who cries so easily. When you first think about a person who cries, you immediately think "weak" don't you?  After last night I know that's not the case. Like how lucky am I to feel things so boldly and experience life so vividly that it actually just brings me to tears. I cry at most things. I cry when I hear a song that's really happy. I cry when I laugh. I cry at the thought of change, I cry at the uncertainty of my path in life. I spent an entire weekend laying in a puddle of my own tears at a cheerleading competition once (okay, this happened on multiple occasions). It feels good to cry sometimes. I have things in my life that can speak to me and touch my spirit so profoundly that it makes me cry.

So I guess what I am trying to deliver with this is that it's OKAY to let yourself cry at things. I also sort of just needed to get it all out of my system and for me, next to crying, writing is my outlet. You don't always have to be perfectly tough. Sometimes it means you ARE being strong. To let yourself just experience things with all that you are and let it impact every fiber of your being. To allow something just profoundly impact you. To experience it so boldly and so vividly. To love someone with so much of your heart that the mere thought of them not being there anymore brings you to tears on any given day. That's really living. That's not weakness.

Also just appreciate everyone you have in your life while they're in it. I know this is cliche, but it's really just so true. I know today I'll be going home to have dinner with my dad.

My heart is full.