It's JUANuary ya'll!

Okay, it's that time again. 

Yes, I watch the Bachelor. I'm a 23 year old girl who spent the last four years of her life living in a sorority house, what do you expect? Although while some of my sistafriends watch with stars in their eyes and believe they are watching true love blossom right before their very eyes, I'm not that girl. I tend to be the one sharing the love seat in the corner with Anna, consuming one too many drinks, and cracking jokes and judging the crap out of everything that's happening on TV. 

This season we get to watch Juan Pablo on his search for the JUAN (seriously that play on words is never going to get old with me), and yesterday was the series premiere. I watched Juan Pablo on Desiree's season...and by "watched Juan Pablo" I mean my eyes were on the TV during what was probably four seconds total of his airtime. He was NEVER on TV with Des, and from what I could tell he barely had a relationship with her. It seemed a little bit to me like the producers almost planted him in the cast just to pull out the next bachelor. Whatever, after seeing his interviews with Chris Harrison and the promos and stuff he seems to be a pretty deece guy. He's from Venezuela? (idk. south american country.) So he's got the accent which his swoon-worthy. I also think it will be pretty interesting to watch him interact with a bunch of American women because English isn't his first language. So he doesn't know how to talk in circles and say things without really SAYING things like an American can do. So I feel like all of his interactions are going to be truly genuine because he communicates so directly. He won't be able to "accidentally fool" a girl into thinking he feels one way when he really doesn't.  Does that make sense? Plus he has a little daughter who is ADORABLE, so fine. I like Juan Pablo. 

The GIRLS this season? Oh my lanta. The first thing I said when I finished watching yesterday was "what a brilliant bunch of BS." The Bachelor producers never seem to fail to find some of the most bizarre, colorful, WEIRD AS SHIT women. I loved every second of watching these psychos get out of the limo and try to catch Juan Pablo's attention, all the while just becoming increasingly more and more intoxicated and more likely to start crying. It was deliciously entertaining. 

For list number 2 of my 52 Lists of 2014 I have composed a list of all of the girls and my reaction to them as they stepped out of the limo. I actually make this list every year in my phone so I can remember stupid stuff about them as the season goes on, but this year I guess I'll put it on here. So here's the link to Juan Pablo's 27 possible wives, as they first stepped out of the limo. 

I'll probably give an update with my thoughts every week about the Bachelor. I'll bet you anything next week is the date where they go bungee jumping or do some daring thing and the girl makes a comment about how "it's just like a metaphor for our relationship! A leap of faith!" Mark my words. So predicatble, but it's just SO ENTERTAINING.

Alexis
Ali
Amy J
Amy L
Andi
Ashley
Cassandra
Chantel
Chelsie
Christine
Christy
Clare
Danielle
Elise
Kat
Kelly
Kylie
Lacy
Lauren H
Lauren S.
Lucy
Maggie
Nikki
Renee
Sharleen
Valerie
Victoria

you guys are the only JUANS for me,

List 2: Juan Pablo's 27 Possible Wives, As They First Stepped Out of the Limo.

Alright here we go. My thoughts on the new 27 Bachelor contestants. (you can read my thoughts on week 1 of Juan Pablo's season here)

Before I start this, let me just say that I'm sure all of these women are smart, strong, kind women with great personalities. I'm sure they're all great people. This has nothing to do with who they are as PEOPLE, just my own thoughts while watching this in a very shallow, judgmental mindset because they are on this absurd television show, and they do CRAZY STUFF to get either airtime or Juan Pablo's attention. 

So if you're reading this and thinking "Oh my goodness klew is so shallow and ignorant and THESE GIRLS ARE PEOPLE!" You need to chill the F out and realize that these women subjected themselves to the public eye, and that I UNDERSTAND that the producers of this show probably piece things together to create characters out of them. I love people and I love watching them interact with others, I just get a lot of entertainment out of watching all of this go down. 

And if you're one of these girls on this list and you're reading this (doubtful, this blog is so insignificant lol) then PROPS girlfriend for going on the Bachelor. You've got a lot of guts, and I actually want to hear all about it. 

Ok. Here goes nothin. These were my first reactions of these girls as they stepped out of the limo to meet Juan Pablo.

1. Amy L., 27, News Reporter from FL:

PERFECT MEETING. She wasn't awkward at all, she didn't do anything weird. I loved it. 

2. Cassandra, 21, Former NBA Dancer from Rochester Hills, MI: 

SHE'S ONLY 21!?!?!? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!? 1, why aren't in college or something...2, HE HAS A CHILD! YOU CANNOT TELL ME YOU'RE READY TO BE A MOM. No. Dress is stunning, also holy crap she was so awkward hahahahah omg. 

3. Christy, 24, Marketing Manager from Chicago: 

Hate her dress. It looks like a bad wedding dress. Also 24!? Why. I don't like her. 

4. Christine, 23, Police Support Specialist from Miami:

 WHY IS EVERYONE SO YOUNG!? I'm 23! THERE ARE SO MANY OPPORTUNITIES TO MEET PEOPLE WHEN YOU'RE 23. THIS GUY IS 32 WITH A CHILD. WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO MARRY HIM. GO LIVE YOUR 23 YEAR OLD LIFE. She's stunning though. Love her dress and her earrings, and the little bracelet she gave him was cute. 

5. Nikki, 26, Pediatric Nurse from Kansas City:

Ok, automatic favorite because she's from Kansas City. I liked her heartbeat thing. Cheesy, but not awkward. It was cute. She seems really warm and nice. Maybe I'm biased though. GO KC!

6. Kat, 29, Medical Sales Rep. from Scottsdale, AZ: 

She looks like a girl I went to school with. Also thank the lord. 29. The dance thing was stupid though. 

7. Chantel, 27, Account Manager from Miami:

I didn't love her dress, but she speaks Spanish. She also pronounced his name right. She seems sassy and cool so...ok fine. 

8. Victoria, 24, Legal Assistant from Boca Raton, FL: 

WHYYYY ARE YOU 24. I DON'T UNDERSTAND. Loved her dress, and the Portuguese thing. She was sweet.

9. Lucy, 24, Free Spirit from Santa Barbara, CA: 

.....................i just can't. I don't even know where to begin with this. WHAT IS YOUR JOB. Also you're barefoot. We get it, you're a hippy. Trying way way way too hard. You realize this guy has a daughter.  He's not trying to be all experimental and shit. I just don't even know where to go with this. Also, you're 24. She's definitely around just for the entertainment factor. Producer pick. Jesus. 

10. Danielle, 25, Psychiatric Nurse from St. Louis:

I didn't love the ombre dress. She was so normal, and that's a good thing. 

11. Lauren S. 26, Music Composer from Austin, TX: 

SHE RODE IN ON A PIANO BIKE. OMG I LOVE THIS GIRL. THAT WAS SO CUTE.  THe song was beautiful and she was kind of nervous and awkward which was so endearing. Also she forgot to tell him her name. Omg she was so cute. She's one of my faves.

12. Chelsie, 24, Science Educator from Columbus, OH: 

DO LESS. She did the weird science experiment thing. First of all he has no idea what she's trying to do becuase she's talking so fast and OMG that was the worst pickup line ever. I hated all of that. Do less. 

13. Valerie, 26, Personal Trainer from Sutter, CA: 

Eh. She was boring. Who cares that you're wearing boots. But her dress was really cool.

14. Elise, 27, Teacher from Forty FOrt, PA: 

Amazing dress. She was so normal and pretty. 

15. Ashley, 25, Grade School Teacher from Dallas: 

I LOVE HER. I think she's so pretty and so calm and confident. Her dress is cool. 

16. Clare, 32, Hairstylist from Sacramento: 

She's the girl who had her dad make that DVD for her future husband. She'll get far only because they want to see what's on that DVD. Also the pregnant thing was stupid if you ask me. OBVIOUSLY THEY WOULDN'T LET A PREGNANT CHIC ON THIS SHOW. Whatever. I'm over her. Props on being over the age of 25 tho. 

17. Ali, 26, Nanny from Chicago: 

She came out with the soccer ball. REALLLL ORIGINAL.

18. Amy J., 31,  Massage Therapist from LA:

I'm scared of her. She came on wayyyyy strong. Too much.

19. Renee, 32, Real Estate Agent from Sarasota, FL: 

I THINK HE NEEDS TO PICK HER. She's so pretty and she's a single mom and shes HIS AGE FOR GODS SAKE and she seems effortless and perfect. I hope he picks her. She's my favorite. Her and KC girl. 

20. Lauren H., 25, Mineral Coordinator from Oklahoma City: 

Too many accessories. She was fine. Forgettable

21. Maggie, 24, Personal Banker from South Carolina: 

She's cute. 24 THOUGH UGH WHY IS EVERYONE SO YOUNG. Cute though

22. Kelly, 27 Dog Lover from Conyers, GA: 

YOUR JOB IS DOG LOVER!? .......k. The dog was a little much. Like why did you need that. 

23. Lacy, 25, Nursing Home Oner from La Jolla, CA: 

Props to you girl that you're 25 and you own your own business. I hated her dress though, and the "perscription" thing was so cheesy. Dumb cheesy.

24. Alexis, 24, Communications Director from Tampa, FL: 

SHE IS SO SO SO PRETTY. Oh my gosh. Normal and sweet. YOUNG THOUGH.

25. Kylie, 23, Interior Designer from Rockford, IL: 

WHY ARE YOU ON THIS SHOW AND 23. OH MY LANTA. Like I'm 23. 

26. Sharleen, 29, Opera Singer from Germany: 

Her dress was really unique and she was so calm, cool, and collected. And when she told him he was a singer she was really modest about it. I like her. She seems like a bro. She's up there in my book.

27. Andi, 26, Assistant District Attorney from Atlanta: 

BEAUUUUTIFUL. She looks just like Maddie Terry. She seems so cool and edgy, and funny. I like her a lot too. 

"Bizarre & Improbable & Pretty As a Page from a Fairytale Book....."

Fair warning, this post is so nerdy.

In case I haven't mentioned it about 500 times already, I'm unemployed. Yeah, I'm "actively looking for a job" blah blah blah, but unemployment leads to quite a bit of boredom. One of my favorite things to do in the midst of all this boredom is to learn as much as I can about various Broadway productions. I just think it is all SO INTERESTING, and there is so much you can learn and so many different types of things you can enjoy. I have a bunch of favorites (hey, maybe that can be an upcoming list), but there is one that tops all the rest...

Cinderella.

You guys, I'm obsessed. I just love watching the clips of it and looking at pictures of it, and listening to its music. Cinderella has just been so near and dear to my heart for my entire life. I grew up watching all different versions of it and singing the songs and being in awe at her, and for the longest time I've always said "God I wish they would make a Broadway production of the Rodgers & Hammerstein version of the story." It had always blown my mind that they hadn't. Well in December of 2012 Katie Wells stumbled across the news that it was a real thing. I remember legitimately falling out of my chair I was so excited. I started relentlessly begging my mom to take me to New York to see it.

Then came the Tony Awards.

I recorded them because I wasn't going to be home to watch it live, and I knew Cinderella was going to be one of the performances. It was a medley of a bunch of the songs including the one where the Fairy Godmother turns her into a princess and the one where she dances with the prince. She transformed ON STAGE RIGHT BEFORE YOUR EYES from her rag dress to a gown.

You guys, I watched the entire thing with my mouth hanging open in awe and tears in my eyes. It was the most magical, beautiful, wonderful thing I had ever seen and it made my heart so happy. I then rewound it and watched probably 900 more times. Coincidentally for me, this was right around the time of my college graduation, for which I would be given a gift from my parents....you guessed it....they bought me a trip to New York and tickets to see Cinderella on Broadway.

It was fantastic. I will love it forever and ever and ever. It will always be one of my favorite stories ever, and this version is a little bit different than the one everyone knows. They have updated it a little bit and made it for a modern audience. The songs are all the same, and there are a few new ones. The costume changes are phenomenal and oh my lanta, I just loved the entire thing. The fact that it's about being nice to people no matter what and that you can make things happen for yourself and just ah. I could talk forever. 

I especially love Laura Osnes, who plays the title role. I had no idea who she was until I saw her in June as Cinderella, and she is PERFECT at it. She has the most beautiful voice and she is just PERFECT at it. So naturally, when I got home and in all of my extra time I have had on my hands, I have thoroughly stalked her on the internet. Like I could probably make a creepy fan page about it because I'm so fascinated with her.  She is INCREDIBLY talented and she's just so pretty and oh my lanta. I just love her. Katie Martin and I are both obsessed with her and we just share videos of her back and forth on Facebook. Go look her up if you have a chance. She'll make you wish you could sing. She was in a production of Bonnie & Clyde and she sings this song and OMG she's just incredible.

 Laura has a video blog that she did that's on Youtube called "The Princess Diary" and it goes behind the scenes of the show and you can see all the fun things they do with Cinderella. It is so interesting and actually pretty funny. Probably go watch it. So ya. I'm weirdly obsessed with the Broadway Production of Cinderella. I would see it a million more times if I could, and I can't get enough of Laura Osnes or the music or the videos or anything.

And now I've provided you with enough information to go stalk her yourself and try and become half as obsessed with her/it as we are. Ah. I could go for days. I just love it so much. 

"In the arms of my love, I'm flying. over mountain and meadow and glen. and I like it so well that for all I can tell I may never come down to earth again."

Told you that was going to be so nerdy, but I don't even care. Everybody has that one weird thing they're obsessed with. This is mine.