HAIL TO OLD K-LEW 2015

There's a blog post explanation to accompany this. Read it here. 
Back again for another year. Gotta give the people what they want.

The Midwest Region:

(1) Kentucky over (16) Whoever wins the play-in game.  I'm convinced that this year's Kentucky team is actually the Monstars from Space Jam with newly acquired technology in that Basketball of theirs to make them look like humans instead of cartoons. If I had any sort of common sense (or if any of my bracket contests were for a large amount of money) I would have Kentucky go all the way, but I'd rather watch my bracket go to shit than write K-E-N-T-U-C-K-Y in the National Championship slot.

(9) Purdue over (8) Cincinnati. This is more of a "I DON'T choose Cincinnati" thing. Ohio is the worst state in the nation. I never pick Ohio ever. Also for some reason Purdue reminds me of chicken nuggets? Why is that? Whatever. Chicken nuggets are like my favorite food. Purdue it is.

(12) Buffalo over (5) West Virginia. Because my cousins are from Buffalo. Also West Virginia is gross also KU beat them in football once which is hilarious. KU never beats anyone in football. If you lose to KU Football, you deserve to be upset by a 12 seed in the first round.

(4) Maryland over (13) Valparaiso 1. I have no idea where Valparaiso is and I have too many tabs open right now to open a new one to look it up. 2. Maryland has pretty good cheerleading.

(11) Texas over (6) Butler.  I think lots of people are going to pick Butler here, and I want to be DIFFERENT, YOU GUYS. I also want to be able to gloat if I was right and everyone else was wrong. Maybe Texas will be my Cinderella story? Actually probably not because I have them losing in the next round. Just felt like I needed to mention Cinderella. Also Texas is home to Whataburger and Whataburger is DELICIOUS. DID I MENTION HOW GREAT CINDERELLA IS!?

(3) Notre Dame over (14) Northeastern.  The "Don't Be A Dummy" theory (explained below). Also Northeastern reminds me of a nor'eastern which is a terrible snowstorm. YOU ALL SHOULD KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT TERRIBLE SNOW STORMS. I DO NOT LIKE THEM. IFSO FACTO, I DO NOT LIKE YOU NORTHEASTERN.

(7) Wichita State over (10) Indiana. When I make this pick I sing this song in my head:
"MY MINNNDDDDS TELLIN ME NOOOOOOO. BUT MY BODY, MY BODY'S TELLIN ME YES!" aka I don't really have a reasoning. Leslie Knope is from Pawnee Indiana and I love her, but I gotta throw a bone to my fellow Kansans. Even though I hate Wichita. Wait. Is it too late to go back and change this one? Oh well, if Indiana wins this it'll be less of a bummer because yeah my bracket will be wrong but at least I'll have received what I wanted. Silver lining. Wichita sucks. So fine Wichita, I pick you, but I'm rooting for Indiana.

(2) Kansas over (15) New Mexico State. I don't think I have to explain this one, but I will anyway. THE UNIVERSITY OF KANSAS IS LITERALLY THE GREATEST THING TO EVER HAPPEN TO ANYONE EVER OF ALL TIME EVER. I'm fired up you guys. Rock Chalk Jayhawk. (In case you were curious, I picked them to win the entire thing. I'm like a member of Olivia Pope and Associates and KU is like Olivia Pope: I would follow her (it) over a cliff. BLIND FAITH, YOU GUYS.)

The West Region

(1) Wisconsin over (16) Costal Carolina.  While yes, I do use a lot of nonsense as part of my strategy for creating some of the top scoring brackets of all time, I'm not an idiot. Sometimes I do pick teams that I know are clearly better than their opponents. I always pick all of the #1 seeds to make it past the 1st round. I call this the "don't be a dummy" theory.

(9) Oklahoma State over (8) Oregon. OKLAHOMA STATE HAS PHENOMENAL CHEERELEADING. THAT IS THAT. (Also I loathe Oregon).

(5) Arkansas over (12) Wofford. My roommate and friend for LIFE Huckabay went to Arkansas. I also ALMOST went there so I pick them. Pretty glad I didn't go there though. No offense. Also Wofford sounds kind of like Waffles. Who can even take them seriously?


(13) Harvard over (4) UNC. THIS ONE WAS VERY HARD. I usually always pick Harvard without question because Elle Woods went to Harvard and she's my favorite fictional character of all time (Cinderella close second). I also usually always pick UNC without question because Carolina Blue is like my favorite shade of blue. I picked Harvard because UNC has Roy Williams, who left Kansas to coach at North Carolina. PEOPLE DON'T FORGET.

(11) Ole Miss over (6) Xavier: The Blind Side was a great movie. Sandra Bullock ROCKED in it, and Leigh Anne Tuohy was a Kappa Delta at Ole Miss. HODDY TODDY, Y'ALL.

(3) Baylor over (14) Georgia State. "Don't Be A Dummy." I have them going all the way to the final four, so that Kansas can STOMP ON THEIR FACES and do the hippity skippity all the way to the National Championship : ) TRA. FREAKIN. LA.

(7) VCU over (10) Ohio State. I hereby refer to this matchup as the "Deplora-bowl" because I hate both of these schools with a lot of my being (I'm not going to say "every fiber" because I don't even waste that much energy on them.) VCU gets my vote because VCU beat KU in 2011. That deserves some respect. So there ya go VCU. That's all you're gettin from me.This is like picking the nicest terrorist. Woof. Ohio is the worst state in the nation. Never pick Ohio, unless they're against Kentucky.

(2) Arizona over (15) Texas Southern because I said so. That is reason enough, peasants. Also "Don't Be A Dummy."

The East Region

(1) Villanova over (16) Lafayette. Don't be a Dummy. Also Mary Lewis wanted to go to Villanova, so I'll give them an ounce of love.  Also aren't their colors blue and blue?

(9) LSU over (8) NC State. Because Dan the Man went to LSU until he got shot there doing acts of heroism. Points for acts of heroism. Also if Dan likes you then I like you. Basically Danny Lewis is the coolest person I've ever come in contact with, so this one goes out to him.

(5) Northern Iowa over (12) Wyoming.  You're telling me I have to pick between Iowa and Wyoming? I DO NOT THINK SO, UNIVERSE. BOTH PLACES SUCK. It doesn't even matter who I picked because I have them losing to Louisville in the next game. (I picked Iowa though. I'm a Bachelor fan.)


(4) Louisville over (13) UC Irvine LOUISVILLE HAS THE BEST CHEERLEADERS IN THE NATION.

(11) Whoever wins the play in over (6) Providence. Thought I'd mix it up a bit. I feel like everyone's going to pick Providence so I want to be able to be smug if they don't win. Also, that's how little I care about Providence. Don't even know who the option is and I pick it over Providence.

(3) Oklahoma over (14) Albany. I quite enjoy Oklahoma. I think I could have really liked it had I attended. They have Cane's there. What else do you need? (Do NOT, however, condone the SAE stuff as of late. I have them facing off against Virginia in the next round...LOL battle of the schools with the most Greek scandals!)

(10) Georgia over (7) Michigan State. It snows in Michigan. It doesn't in Georgia. That whole "oh, 2 snowflakes fall out of the sky so all of the sudden we forget how to exist" thing seems like something I could get used to, like the people in Georgia did last year when they had that "blizzard." DUH I PICK GEORGIA. Also Huckabay and I went on a college visit to UGA junior year and it was really fun.

(2) Virginia over (15) Belmont Tina Fey graduated from the University of Virginia, so that logic perpetuated them all the way to the Final 4 for me. UNBREAKABLE KIMMY SCHMIDT Y'ALL. GO WATCH IT.

The South Region

(1) Duke over (16) Whoever wins the play-in game SIIIIIIGHHHHHHHHH. I hate Duke. "Don't Be A Dummy" Theory, but I have them losing in the Sweet 16.

(9) St. John's over (8) San Diego St. To borrow from my dear friend +Kathryn Hoven 's strategy: "When in doubt, choose the Catholics." Also New York > California. Always.

(5) Utah over (12) Stephen F. Austin. I might have been drunk while making my picks? Why do I like Utah over Stephen F. Austin? I don't. It snows in Utah. It doesn't in Texas. I thought "oh well Aunt Patty lives in Utah sometimes and I love Aunt Patty," but Aunt Patty also lives in Texas! Thanking my lucky stars brackets aren't due yet. I'm going back to change this one.  I DO WHAT I WANT. Dodged that bullet. (12) Stephen F. Austin over (5) Utah.

(4) Georgetown over (13) Eastern Washington. Because Georgetown reminds me of Olivia Pope and I think she rocks. Didn't Mellie go to Georgetown? I don't think so, but this gives me a platform to tell you people that Mellie is the best character on Scandal. I have Georgetown defeating Duke to go to the Elite 8. Somebody had to be called upon to defeat Duke. It was Georgetown's time to shine. Also Georgetown reminds me of George Washington and that hilarious meme article that +Kerry Benn and I found earlier this year. Except I guess shouldn't Eastern Washington remind me of George Washington? Too bad. It doesn't.

(6) SMU over (11) UCLA Because I picked all the other 11 seeds.

(3) Iowa State over (14) UAB.  Even though I NEVER EVER EVER want to see another Iowa State fan as long as I live, I still give them this vote. They beat KU in the Big 12 Tournament Championship. So, respect, but NEVER COME BACK TO KANSAS CITY THIS PAST WEEKEND WAS SO ANNOYING. WHO COMES TO KC AND SPENDS THEIR ENTIRE WEEKEND IN THE POWER AND LIGHT DISTRICT? (I have them going to the National Championship and losing to KU in one of my brackets with my college friends. HOW'S THAT FEEL, CYCLONES?!?!?!?!)

(10) Davidson over (7) Iowa. I happen to know Tyler Kalinoski, the Player of the year and star of Davidson. He's one of Dan's pals from high school. I want him to do well during his senior year! Also I can't pick THREE Iowa schools. Iowa sucks, you guys.

(2) Gonzaga over (15) North Dakota St. Can you imagine how cold it gets in North Dakota? No thanks.

Klew's 2014

In the words of Taylor Renft: " only you could write something like this and manage to get away with it and get like 100 likes"

1. Started my first ever job in January. G chat is a beautiful thing y'all (add me if you have it too duh.) 

2. Had a fun nationals season coaching Force, KC Cheer's senior level 2 team. We competed in Kansas City, Oklahoma City and Nashville. We got to teach the girls a lot about how to go confidently through the practice room, and how to fix mistakes on the floor. It was an awesome first year coaching experience. 

3. Took advantage of the fact that I had 5th year friends in Lawrence. 23 year olds in the Boom Boom Room happened. No shame.

 4. Spent an awesome weekend watching awesome cheerleading in Dallas at NCA All-Star nationals with Mom and Clarkson. Excited to carry on that tradition. 

5. My first Rock Chalk Revue as an alum. Don't worry everyone, +Taylor Renft  was still on Ad Board so I still pretty much got to do whatever I wanted ( also, there was plenty of Gin & Syrup with Nate, Sam and the whole Ad board crew. Don't you worry.) 

6. WENT TO THE CHEERLEADING WORLDS AND WATCHED FIERCE 5 WIN 4th PLACE. Also got to sit on a baseball field and watch my sport happen in one of the coolest atmospheres of all time. The highlight of 2014. Such extreme happiness and pride as an alumnus of the program and of this amazing team. Also watching all of Harrison Whitney's dreams come true his senior year was COOL AF. 

7. Celebrated graduation with some of my absolute favorites, sans panic attack. Lawrence is beautiful y'all. So proud of Emily, Meredith, +Elizabeth Raplinger, +Taylor Renft , +Katie Wells , +Elizabeth Albani , +Annabelle Thomas and company. 

8. Quit my very first job. 

9. Started a new cheerleading season as the Coach of Fame. KC Cheer's Junior level 3 team. I ADORE these girls. They are so hardworking and a joy to see twice a week. It's cool to teach them about teamwork and working hard and getting through stupid teenage girl crap. I love them all and want to hug them always. Did I mention they're machines? Can't wait to kick ass all over America during 2015! 

10. Celebrated the engagement of two of my very dearest friends! Annie Lemark and Chelsea Coday I can't wait for your big day! (Which is the same day. But wait, they're not marrying each other..for the record. They're getting married separately. On the same day. Could see how that would be confusing to others. THE MAIN TAKEAWAY IS TWO OF MY FAVORITES ARE GOING OT BE BEAUTIFUL BRIDES!) 

11. Cried crocodile tears as I said goodbye to some of my nearest and dearest as they moved out of Kansas to start their real lives. Good news is, I now always have a bed in Dallas and LA. : ) 

12. Had a BLAST BLAST BLAST watching Bobby O'Connell get married. Another highlight of 2014. 

13. Started my job at Meers! Yay! 

14. Took the coolest trip of all time to NYC with +Jesse Hoffman and +Lauren Vanlandingham.  We saw The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon and sat FRONT ROW and HIGH FIVED JIMMY AND WERE ON TV. That same day we saw Cinderella the Musical. It was a day made for Klew. We also saw A Gentleman's Guide to Love and Murder and Aladdin, went to some famous bars, hung out with +Kerry Benn  and Kyle Grace and Shannon Morgan at their new place in TriBeCa. One of my favorite weekends of 2014. 

15. Went to Chicago with +Kathryn Hoven, Sarah Vanlandingham and +Lauren Vanlandingham  to see Nate Watson and One Direction. It was awesome. No shame. ‪#‎23at1D‬ 

16. Had an AWESOME TIME at KU Homecoming. The first one where pretty much all of my grade was graduated and back. It was a great weekend. I can't wait for next year.

17. Had the flu for a month. Not kidding. A month. Zillion degree fever, in the hospital, can't move, mom brushing my hair for me-type sick. This was the low. 

18. Enjoyed "watching" the Royals World Series run. By "watching" I mean sleeping through all of the games because of the aforementioned flu. But seriously. It was a cool time to be in Kansas City. 

19. Said goodbye to stupid 23 and had a fantastic 24th birthday filled with Cake, my fam, bagels, grilled cheese, pizza, and Broadway. Am I really that easily pleased? Who cares. I ate everything in sight on my birthday in New York City and couldn't be happier about it. 

20. Started to enjoy watching Fame kick ass in the first half of the competition season. They win everything by a LANDSLIDE. Can't wait to watch it continue with Victoria Zonko as we get into the big nationals! Also we had the CUTEST CHRISTMAS PARTY EVER, thanks to the awesome Fame parents! We feel so loved! 

22. Celebrated Christmas with the fam in Hawaii, where I'm sitting typing this. We've been drinkin chi-chis, hanging out by the pool, riding helicopters, and just all out having the T of our L. We are one lucky group of idiots. Excited to ring in 2015 being this Tan.

 2014 seems to have been a year of supporting my friends and watching them do awesome stuff. I'm super lucky to have lots of amazing people in my life who do amazing things. I also took some awesome trips and had some BIG laughs. Lots of tears of sadness...but even more tears of JOY. Overall, no complaints 2014. No complaints. 

 BRING ON 2015 (AND HOPEFULLY MY NCA JACKET!! ) TIME TO GET TO WORK YOU GUYS.

The Best Day of Klew's life

Okay so, if you know anything about me you know I love to ask people about their favorite things (as does Hoven. I think that's why we started to become friends). Also, you know I have some pretty solid things that are my "favorites:"

• Cheerleading
• The Color Blue
• Broadway Musicals
• Disney Princesses, especially Cinderella
• Cinderella on Broadway
• Jimmy Fallon
• Pizza
• Sweets
• New York City 

Today I got to do basically every single one of my favorite things in one day. 

We woke up and had NYC bagels in Times Square for breakfast. We sat in the middle of Times Square and enjoyed a perfectly authentic Bagel with schmear. It was also delightfully empty in Times Square that morning so that rocked. Usually that place is a pain in the ass because it's the capital of "oh, let's just stop walking in the middle of the sidewalk and pose for a photo with our iPad" and I have NO PATIENCE for that. 

We walked around Midtown and I got to see all of the Broadway Theaters. I love walking past them and seeing them RIGHT THERE. I think that's so cool. 

I took this picture of the Jersey Boys theater to send to Dan. He loves Jersey Boys.

For lunch we ate at Pronto Pizza, which is my favorite pizza place in the city. I burned my tongue but who cares. Nothing could get me down on the best day of my life. We hung out in Bryant Park (which is my favorite park in NYC. I like it even better than Central Park. Yeah. I said it.) and there was a free concert of Broadway musicals in the middle of the park. We got to watch the casts of Matilda and Motown sing songs from their shows, as well as a preview of On The Town, which is a new one that's coming soon. I think that one is going to be really cool. 

Broadway in Bryant Park

After we did the Bryant Park thing it was time for Jimmy Fallon. We headed over to the NBC Experience Store at 30 Rock to check in with our tickets. We waited in line for about 30 minutes and were given wristbands and tickets with a letter E on the back. They told us to come back to another location in 30 rock at 3:50. We spent the hour or so we had to kill eating cupcakes from Magnolia Bakery, my favorite cupcake ever. We came back to the designated area and they lined us up in alphabetical order. It seemed to me that each group of people gets its own letter, because we were the only ones with "E." They filed us all into the studio and we sat IN THE VERY FRONT ROW. I'm not kidding you. It was really just dumb luck, but we could've reached out and touched Tariq from The Roots. The Roots came out and played for us for a little bit before the show started, and then Jimmy came out. The three of us were all grinning like idiots. You can probably see it on the TV. Jimmy waved at us and did his monologue literally 10 feet from us. I'm not kidding. He was so close. It was amazing. 

It was kind of the lamest Jimmy Fallon episode ever (he didn't play any games and there wasn't a musical guest), but we didn't care. It was awesome to just watch how the show is made. It was like being in a dream because everything looks exactly like it does when you watch it on TV. At the end of the show Jimmy runs up and down the aisles of the audience. We were the very first ones so not only are we on TV, we got to high five him as he ran by. It was amazing. Like I said, we were grinning like idiots. 

Here's the screenshot from Hulu. 

After Jimmy was over we marched our happy asses right over to The Broadway Theater for Rodgers & Hammerstein's Cinderella. Hoven met us, and we had AWESOME seats. It was my second time seeing the show, but nobody else had seen it. I was stoked to see a different princess than I had originally seen. We saw Paige Faure as Cinderella and she did not dissappoint. I mean, I think Laura Osnes will always have a commanding hold on that role, but I loved Paige too. It was cool to see how two different women portray the same character, and they both put different spins on it. The music was beautiful as always, and the costume changes still blow my mind. Cinderella was delightful, and it will always have a special place in my heart. It will always fill me with joy. I felt really lucky to sit there and watch it, and to get to share it with some of my dearest friends. 

Finally, we had dessert at Serendipity3, one of my favorites in the City. It was a perfect ending to a perfect day. I had a zillion second long snap story. So basically I woke up, had NYC pizza for lunch, hung out in Bryant Park, saw/touched Jimmy Fallon, ate a Magnolia Bakery cupcake, saw Cinderella and ate my favorite dessert. It was perfect. 

I just don't see how you're gonna top this day, dudes. I just don't see.

"...and I like it so well that for all I can tell I may never come down again."

You guys, Darby.

We're adding one more contributor to the blogskidoodle. Her name is Darby Evans! Darbs is fresh off the boat from Barcelona (okay fine, she's lived her entire life in Kansas City...she was studying abroad. I wanted you to think she was legit Spanish. She's not, but pretend). She's as cultured, elegant, and beautiful as the Spanish, though. We assume. We know no Spaniards.

Darby still has a full year left in the promised land. She's about to be a Senior at The University of Kansas (see also: Gods and Goddesses, Invincible, Funnest year ever.)

She's getting a degree in Journalism like Klew but also a degree in English like Hoven- like Miley said a long, long time ago, she gets the best of both worlds. (Klew acknowledges and appreciates Hoven only positively referring to Miley while referencing her old body of work.)

We've added Darby to da blog because well, she's brilliant. She had her own blog to document her travels and experiences abroad, and it left me and Hoven in stitches every time we read it. She's going to make you laugh, you guys. She's going to make you laugh A LOT. This is like a reverse Cinderella where we are adoring older stepsisters who realize Darberella is already much cooler than we are. She tolerates us.

There's also a teeeeeeeeeny little bit of Hoven and I that realize if left to our own devices, this thing could turn into One Direction/Mindy Kaling/Jimmy Fallon/Cinderella fan fiction REAL QUICK-LIKE. And like, yeah that's what we're about, but it's also not completely what we're about. You feel us? 

So yeah. Darby. Read about her in the Darby page above. Use deductive reasoning to understand that she has written all of the posts that have the "Darby" signature at the bottom. We're pretty stoked about this, and you should be too.

We probably could have had her write this herself. We're just too excited.

things we are thinking as we watch the new One Direction video

"NIALL WHAT IS YOUR HAIR WHY DO YOU LOOK LIKE JUSTIN BIEBER NO STOP PUT IT BACK."

"I'm so upset about Niall's hair klew. I'm blaming Lou who does their makeup. SHE'S GOTTA BE BLACKED OUT"

"What is happening with the collective sweater they're all wearing?"

"It's bizarre. It's real bizarre. I like the sweater aka I would wear it with leggings"

"Liam. Full beard. Why. Harry looks fab though."

"LIAM MAKES ME SO MAD KATIE LEWIS. Harry looks SO GOOD. So good. So does Zayn."

"Did he lose a bet?" -On Louis' most recent hair/look (real credit to Amy, I've been laughing at this for weeks.-KH)

"Louis has the market cornered on drowned rat"

"This video is stupid. This is "hey I wanna try some cool video effects lets see what happens."

"The grammatically correct lyric would actually be "you and me." YOU'RE BRITISH YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS." (kerry benn FTW)

"Also can we talk about how awkward it must be to walk at that camera alone with all those people watching you saying 'LOOK SEXY!'" (watch any other 1d video. ANY OTHER. "look sexy" isn't their thing. Except Zayn. ZAYN REALLY CAN.-KH)

"Like I get wanting a concept video but that looked like I could have thrown it together on iMovie in an hour." (yet again, real credit Amy. I'm currently whining about this video to five living human beings, three of which are in different states, one of which is ALL THE WAY IN ENGLAND. The video effects were useless. Also, you can't try to make a "sexy" video while kicking purple baby balls down a pier and blowing a seemingly entirely irrelevant pink balloon. -KH.)

Overall takeaways:
Video effects are dumb, Niall put your hair back, Harry is a beaut.

Not your best 1D, not your best. But we'll let this one slide.

I've been cranky all week, less inclined to let this slide, Ben Winston. I've got a lot of questions about this video and almost every single one begins with why. Watching the Kiss You video to cleanse.-KH

Pizza

A few weeks ago we spent the better part of an afternoon having a conversation about pizza. I was going to turn the texts into a narrative for this blog post, but I feel like you'll appreciate it more if i just give you a copy of the conversation.

klew is bold, hoven is italic 

HOW IS IT ONLY 11??!?!?

12:17 ya bish. Not feeling no meat Fridays, Lent.

Me either. Except I just spent an hour researching legit pizza in KC and I found a really good one that happens to be close to my office so i'm gonna try it for lunch. They said "we know it's all about the crust" so I said yes. 

For those keeping score, the Pizza Place was Santora's Pizza. It's four seconds from my office. Also everyone knows the thing that makes NYC Pizza so much better than anywhere else is the crust (it's the water they have there. It makes bomb ass crust. When combined with bomb ass sauce and bomb ass cheese....boombah.) Santora's pizza may KNOW it's all about the crust, that doesn't mean they executed. 

Hmmmmmm. Maybe I'll have Bella Pizza for din.

H8 U.

You like, don't tho. 

Right

*Screenshot of Hoven's mom telling her they're having fish for dinner* Come on Janet. 

That's the worst

Fish are the bugs of the sea and I do not want to ingest them. Ever. 

^ This is an agreed upon notion by both of us. Probably look for a future post about this. 

I just got 2 plain slices and a drink for 3 bucks. 

WHAT

Ya but it's good not great. 

Also I thank god daily you understand it's a slice

Yeah f*** everyone who wants a "piece of cheese."

*sparkle heart emoji* *dancing twins emoji* *sparkle heart emoji*

If the wheel was this pizza I'm eating right now I would be 9 million lbs. I'm a pizza snob, and drunk klew is also a pizza snob...but I think this slice could fool drunk klew. 

Wow. Powerful stuff.

Ya but sober its meh. Also Wheel pizza sober is a desperate times call for desperate measures type thing. (Aka I just bartended for 80 hours and hate all people including myself)

Preach. Also everyone stop putting ranch everywhere you heathens. 

THANK YOU OMG. "Ugh I can't eat this I don't have honey" Nope. Join America you (insert creative insult because I used the F word)

The honey I cannot even think of because it's straight up the most sacrilegious thing I've ever witnessed and I refer to the Pope as Frankie.

Pizza: Don't toy with perfection (I wish it wasn't lent)

Currently yelling at all Kansas Pizza Eaters. "No I don't like Tads." WHO ARE YOU? "Let's get pizza shuttle!" I HATE YOU.

Tad's isn't Rita's tho so bye

WTF Is Rita's is it in Kansas becasue if it It's delicious and I haven't heard of it imma be pissed.

It's not but it's the principle of the matter. Do it right or don't do it at all.

Ya like never Domino's if you're east of the Mississippi. Ever. Also i had a person tell me once their favorite pizza was "Chuck E Cheese pizza." If I was a cat I would have lost one of my 9 lives at that. 

Generally if it's big enough to have commercials and it's pizza I am disinterested.

If you EVER go to NYC and the only slice you consume is from SBARRO? We are no longer friends. Similar: Papa John's, Pizza Hut, Domino's, Chuck-E-Cheese. WTF people. Come on. 

I would agree with that. Also I think unless you're a New Jerseyan who eats pizza multiple times a week why are you wasting your good pizza opportunity on some buffalo chicken pizza bullshit. CHEESE. PEP. MUSHROOM MAYBE. STAY CLASSIC PEOPLE.

Have had a lot of arguments with the twins about that. THOUGH GIMME ALL THE VODKA SAUCE ZA IN THE WORLD

But see, you're a New Jerseyan. I bring people to the greatest pizza in the world for a once in a lifetime chance and they're like "can I have feta cheese?" No. You can't. STFU.

SECONDED. 

I'm the most hated of all of my cousins every single March, and i'm totally cool with that.

Well well well, here we are again ladies and gents. The Big 12 Tournament has ended (stupidly if you ask me. Don't criticize me. I know stupidly is not a profound and intelligent choice of a word. Don't care. That's the term I choose to describe the Big 12 Tournament.)

Selection Sunday has come and gone, and it's that time again. Time for the Big Dance. No, I'm not talkin senior prom (was that a lame joke? I don't care. I never went to senior prom. KC Cheer or die y'all.) IT'S TIME FOR THE NCAA BASKETBALL TOURNAMENT!!!!!!!!!

My family all signed up for ESPN accounts a few years ago and we put our brackets into a group and compete to see who ends up picking the most accurate bracket. All. Of. Us. My cousins, aunts, uncles, even my grandma. It's a ton of fun because we all love to talk shit, and because it gives you something to be invested in when the teams you DGAF about are playing.

Here's a little bit of background on my family members and their obsession with basketball: A lot of the boy cousins on my mom's side of the family are HUGE basketball fans. Like they all played in high school, one of them played in college, they LOVE basketball. Hell, there's a 30 for 30 that features my cousins' grandfather, and their uncle was on the coaching staff at UNC for a hot second. Like, they're ALL ABOUT IT. They go nuts whenever I'm in Allen Fieldhouse and I snap a pic and send it to them. They spend quite a bit of time and expertise trying to engineer the perfect winning bracket...

...and I beat them all almost every year. They GET SO MAD!

This is because I could really care less about the sport of Basketball. I am a fan because I attended the greatest Basketball school in the country (I'm not even going to be politically correct and say "arguably." There's nothing to argue about. KU is the greatest.) and even if you don't care for basketball, you love KU Basketball. It's really true. So I put no REAL strategy or thought into my bracket picks whatsoever, and I usually end up choosing a huge upset or two that nobody chose because they thought they did all the research and there is no mathematical way that the 13 seed just beat the 4 seed to get to the elite 8. Well LOL for you guys because it's March Madness. Literally anything can happen.

So this year I'm going to share with you all my bulletproof strategy to pick the winning bracket as a "mildly interested at best" participant in my family pool of basketball nerds. They're all literally going to kill me, and I can FEEL the large collective eye roll coming from Bobby and Chris O'Connell right now.  Hey, whatevs. My outrageous strategies get me mentioned in the email chain pretty frequently. No press is bad press you know what I'm sayin?!

My bracket has the same title every year: Hail to Old K Lew. It has the same winner every year: The University of Kansas. I said I was neither here nor there on the sport of basketball. I AM STEADFASTLY PASSIONATE about my love for the Jayhawks. So there ya go.

Hail to Old K Lew: My Picks for the 2014 NCAA Tournament that are going to win my family contest and piss off all my cousins. :) 

Hail to Old K Lew: My first round picks for the 2014 NCAA Tournament

There's a blog post explanation to accompany this. Read it here. 
Here ya go. Don't steal my tricks. Or do. Then you're just an idiot for copying something that is this farfetched out of my own brain.

The South Region:

(1) Florida over (16) Albany. While yes, I do use a lot of nonsense as part of my strategy for creating some of the top scoring brackets of all time, I'm not an idiot. Sometimes I do pick teams that I know are clearly better than their opponents. I always pick all of the #1 seeds to make it past the 1st round. I call this the "don't be a dummy" theory.

(9) Pittsburgh over (8) Colorado. This is more of a "I DON'T choose Colorado" thing. People from Colorado won't stfu about the fact that they can smoke weed legally and it's starting to get annoying. WE GET IT. So you don't get this too.

(5) VCU over (12) Stephen F. Austin. This was a tough one because SFA has deece cheerleading, but VCU beat KU in 2011. That deserves some respect. So there ya go VCU. That's all you're gettin from me.

(4) UCLA over (13) Tulsa. If you had to choose a place to live, between Los Angeles and Tulsa, Oklahoma, which would you pick? Yeah. I thought so. UCLA it is.

(11) Dayton over (6) Ohio State. This is like picking the nicest terrorist. Woof. If you know anything about me, you know I have personal beef with the state of Ohio. Worst state in the nation if you ask me (thanks to a less-than-great experience in Columbus Freshman year), and both of these schools are located in Ohio. Dayton gets my vote because my Aunt Trish and Uncle Tom both attended Dayton and it led to their true love. So that's worth something I guess. Screw you, Ohio.

(3) Syracuse over (14) W. Michigan. Same reason I picked Florida. The "Don't Be A Dummy" theory.

(10) Stanford over (7) New Mexico. I feel as if I met a Stanford alum and a New Mexico alum, I would probably have more in common with the Stanford alum. Is this profiling? Maybe. It's not intended to be, I just get a better vibe from Stanford. Also I like red.

(2) Kansas over (15) E. Kentucky. I don't think I have to explain this one, but I will anyway. THE UNIVERSITY OF KANSAS IS LITERALLY THE GREATEST THING TO EVER HAPPEN TO ANYONE EVER OF ALL TIME EVER. I'm fired up you guys. Rock Chalk Jayhawk. (In case you were curious, I picked them to win the entire thing. Shocked? You shouldn't be.)

The East Region

(1) Virginia over (16) Costal Carolina. "Don't Be a Dummy" Theory. Also Tina Fey graduated from the University of Virginia, so that logic perpetuated them all the way to the Elite 8 for me.

(8) Memphis over (9) George Washington. Memphis gave KU a run for our money in 2008. Obviously to no avail, so they get my vote because they tried. Had they beat us in 2008, I probably would choose George Washington here. Also enjoy this photo of Mario's Miracle while you think of Memphis.

(12) Harvard over (5) Cincinnati. Elle Woods went to Harvard, so that's that.

(4) Michigan State over (13) Deleware. This is more of a "not Deleware" vote. BLUE HENS? Nope. No. H8 it.

(6) UNC over (11) Providence: I love that color blue. Always have, always will. I dreamed of attending the University of North Carolina when I was young just because of how pretty the color blue is. Also Chapel Hill sounds like a delightful place.

(3) Iowa State over (14) NC Central. Even though I NEVER EVER EVER want to see another Iowa State fan as long as I live, I still give them this vote. They beat KU in the Big 12 Tournament. So, respect, but NEVER COME BACK TO KANSAS CITY THIS PAST WEEKEND WAS SO ANNOYING.

(7) UCONN over (10) St. Joseph's because I feel like it. Also I love dogs. Go Huskies.

(2) Villanova over (15) Milwaukee because IT SNOWS A LOT IN MILWAUKEE. NOPE. NOT HAVING ANY OF THAT. Also Mary Lewis wanted to go to Villanova so,

The West Region

(1) Arizona over (16) Weber State because it's warm in Arizona. Also I have some friends that went there. Also they're a 1 seed. Also who has ever heard of Weber State? Also I'm not a huge fan of Dr. Webber on Grey's Anatomy so Weber State, you don't get my vote.

(9) Oklahoma State over (8) Gonzaga. Oklahoma State has some of the best cheerleaders in the nation. This one was a no-brainer.

(5) Oklahoma over (12) North Dakota State. I can't even begin to fathom how cold it is in North Dakota. Also I think I might have liked to attend OU. Norman is a pretty nice place. Me and Dad went to Cane's there this fall. It was pleasant.

(4) SDSU over (13) New Mexico State because I clicked SDSU first.

(6) Baylor over (11) Nebraska. Nebraska has snow. Also Dr. Pepper was invented in Waco. I think Dr. Pepper is deece, so Baylor it is.

(14) Louisiana Lafayette over (3) Creighton. I did this one because I feel like everyone is going to pick Creighton and I want to be able to be smug if they don't win. I pick one of these every year for this very reason.

(10) BYU over (7) Oregon. Everyone at BYU is a Mormon and I LOVED the Book of Mormon. Also I don't like Oregon fans.

(2) Wisconsin over (15) American because OKAY AMERICAN. AMERICAN?! What the hell kind of college name is that? Everyone in the USA is American. You don't just get to HAVE THAT.

The Midwest Region

(1) Wichita State over (16) CalPoly or TX Southern. They're from Kansas. I feel obligated to throw them a bone. Anyone else think it's a tad ridiculous they're a 1 seed? Wichita is stupid, but whatever. Good for them.

(8) Kentucky over (9) Kansas State. I do not feel the aforementioned obligation toward Kansas State. I made this pick for the exact INVERSE reason I picked KU. Kansas State might be the worst thing to ever happen to anyone ever. Might be. I'm not gonna put all that evil on them, but you get what I'm saying.

(12) NC State or Xavier over (5) Saint Louis. One of my dearest friends, Cara Keeble is a Mizzou grad. In my opinion she is the most horrible sports fan of all time, simply because she's literally always against me. Keebs is at Grad School at SLU, so I felt obligated to choose against her out of spite. Keeble will probably be in my wedding, but I'm throwing her zero bones during March Madness.

(4) Louisville over (13) Manhattan. Because I would KILL to be a Louisville Cheerleader. Those bows! They are God's gift to cheerleading.

(11) Iowa or Tennessee over (6) U Mass. Because if you put a "D" in front of U Mass it's DUMASS. Nuff said.

(3) Duke over (14) Mercer. "Don't Be A Dummy" theory.

(7) Texas over (10) Arizona State. Whataburger exists in Texas. Do I need to say anything else? If you really need me to say something else, my former teammate Jessica Tauber is a UT Cheerleader and for my 20th birthday she gave me a Texas Cheer t-shirt.

(2) Michigan over (15) Wofford because who has ever heard of Wofford? I want to put syrup on Wofford and eat it for breakfast!