HAIL TO OLD K-LEW 2015

There's a blog post explanation to accompany this. Read it here. 
Back again for another year. Gotta give the people what they want.

The Midwest Region:

(1) Kentucky over (16) Whoever wins the play-in game.  I'm convinced that this year's Kentucky team is actually the Monstars from Space Jam with newly acquired technology in that Basketball of theirs to make them look like humans instead of cartoons. If I had any sort of common sense (or if any of my bracket contests were for a large amount of money) I would have Kentucky go all the way, but I'd rather watch my bracket go to shit than write K-E-N-T-U-C-K-Y in the National Championship slot.

(9) Purdue over (8) Cincinnati. This is more of a "I DON'T choose Cincinnati" thing. Ohio is the worst state in the nation. I never pick Ohio ever. Also for some reason Purdue reminds me of chicken nuggets? Why is that? Whatever. Chicken nuggets are like my favorite food. Purdue it is.

(12) Buffalo over (5) West Virginia. Because my cousins are from Buffalo. Also West Virginia is gross also KU beat them in football once which is hilarious. KU never beats anyone in football. If you lose to KU Football, you deserve to be upset by a 12 seed in the first round.

(4) Maryland over (13) Valparaiso 1. I have no idea where Valparaiso is and I have too many tabs open right now to open a new one to look it up. 2. Maryland has pretty good cheerleading.

(11) Texas over (6) Butler.  I think lots of people are going to pick Butler here, and I want to be DIFFERENT, YOU GUYS. I also want to be able to gloat if I was right and everyone else was wrong. Maybe Texas will be my Cinderella story? Actually probably not because I have them losing in the next round. Just felt like I needed to mention Cinderella. Also Texas is home to Whataburger and Whataburger is DELICIOUS. DID I MENTION HOW GREAT CINDERELLA IS!?

(3) Notre Dame over (14) Northeastern.  The "Don't Be A Dummy" theory (explained below). Also Northeastern reminds me of a nor'eastern which is a terrible snowstorm. YOU ALL SHOULD KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT TERRIBLE SNOW STORMS. I DO NOT LIKE THEM. IFSO FACTO, I DO NOT LIKE YOU NORTHEASTERN.

(7) Wichita State over (10) Indiana. When I make this pick I sing this song in my head:
"MY MINNNDDDDS TELLIN ME NOOOOOOO. BUT MY BODY, MY BODY'S TELLIN ME YES!" aka I don't really have a reasoning. Leslie Knope is from Pawnee Indiana and I love her, but I gotta throw a bone to my fellow Kansans. Even though I hate Wichita. Wait. Is it too late to go back and change this one? Oh well, if Indiana wins this it'll be less of a bummer because yeah my bracket will be wrong but at least I'll have received what I wanted. Silver lining. Wichita sucks. So fine Wichita, I pick you, but I'm rooting for Indiana.

(2) Kansas over (15) New Mexico State. I don't think I have to explain this one, but I will anyway. THE UNIVERSITY OF KANSAS IS LITERALLY THE GREATEST THING TO EVER HAPPEN TO ANYONE EVER OF ALL TIME EVER. I'm fired up you guys. Rock Chalk Jayhawk. (In case you were curious, I picked them to win the entire thing. I'm like a member of Olivia Pope and Associates and KU is like Olivia Pope: I would follow her (it) over a cliff. BLIND FAITH, YOU GUYS.)

The West Region

(1) Wisconsin over (16) Costal Carolina.  While yes, I do use a lot of nonsense as part of my strategy for creating some of the top scoring brackets of all time, I'm not an idiot. Sometimes I do pick teams that I know are clearly better than their opponents. I always pick all of the #1 seeds to make it past the 1st round. I call this the "don't be a dummy" theory.

(9) Oklahoma State over (8) Oregon. OKLAHOMA STATE HAS PHENOMENAL CHEERELEADING. THAT IS THAT. (Also I loathe Oregon).

(5) Arkansas over (12) Wofford. My roommate and friend for LIFE Huckabay went to Arkansas. I also ALMOST went there so I pick them. Pretty glad I didn't go there though. No offense. Also Wofford sounds kind of like Waffles. Who can even take them seriously?


(13) Harvard over (4) UNC. THIS ONE WAS VERY HARD. I usually always pick Harvard without question because Elle Woods went to Harvard and she's my favorite fictional character of all time (Cinderella close second). I also usually always pick UNC without question because Carolina Blue is like my favorite shade of blue. I picked Harvard because UNC has Roy Williams, who left Kansas to coach at North Carolina. PEOPLE DON'T FORGET.

(11) Ole Miss over (6) Xavier: The Blind Side was a great movie. Sandra Bullock ROCKED in it, and Leigh Anne Tuohy was a Kappa Delta at Ole Miss. HODDY TODDY, Y'ALL.

(3) Baylor over (14) Georgia State. "Don't Be A Dummy." I have them going all the way to the final four, so that Kansas can STOMP ON THEIR FACES and do the hippity skippity all the way to the National Championship : ) TRA. FREAKIN. LA.

(7) VCU over (10) Ohio State. I hereby refer to this matchup as the "Deplora-bowl" because I hate both of these schools with a lot of my being (I'm not going to say "every fiber" because I don't even waste that much energy on them.) VCU gets my vote because VCU beat KU in 2011. That deserves some respect. So there ya go VCU. That's all you're gettin from me.This is like picking the nicest terrorist. Woof. Ohio is the worst state in the nation. Never pick Ohio, unless they're against Kentucky.

(2) Arizona over (15) Texas Southern because I said so. That is reason enough, peasants. Also "Don't Be A Dummy."

The East Region

(1) Villanova over (16) Lafayette. Don't be a Dummy. Also Mary Lewis wanted to go to Villanova, so I'll give them an ounce of love.  Also aren't their colors blue and blue?

(9) LSU over (8) NC State. Because Dan the Man went to LSU until he got shot there doing acts of heroism. Points for acts of heroism. Also if Dan likes you then I like you. Basically Danny Lewis is the coolest person I've ever come in contact with, so this one goes out to him.

(5) Northern Iowa over (12) Wyoming.  You're telling me I have to pick between Iowa and Wyoming? I DO NOT THINK SO, UNIVERSE. BOTH PLACES SUCK. It doesn't even matter who I picked because I have them losing to Louisville in the next game. (I picked Iowa though. I'm a Bachelor fan.)


(4) Louisville over (13) UC Irvine LOUISVILLE HAS THE BEST CHEERLEADERS IN THE NATION.

(11) Whoever wins the play in over (6) Providence. Thought I'd mix it up a bit. I feel like everyone's going to pick Providence so I want to be able to be smug if they don't win. Also, that's how little I care about Providence. Don't even know who the option is and I pick it over Providence.

(3) Oklahoma over (14) Albany. I quite enjoy Oklahoma. I think I could have really liked it had I attended. They have Cane's there. What else do you need? (Do NOT, however, condone the SAE stuff as of late. I have them facing off against Virginia in the next round...LOL battle of the schools with the most Greek scandals!)

(10) Georgia over (7) Michigan State. It snows in Michigan. It doesn't in Georgia. That whole "oh, 2 snowflakes fall out of the sky so all of the sudden we forget how to exist" thing seems like something I could get used to, like the people in Georgia did last year when they had that "blizzard." DUH I PICK GEORGIA. Also Huckabay and I went on a college visit to UGA junior year and it was really fun.

(2) Virginia over (15) Belmont Tina Fey graduated from the University of Virginia, so that logic perpetuated them all the way to the Final 4 for me. UNBREAKABLE KIMMY SCHMIDT Y'ALL. GO WATCH IT.

The South Region

(1) Duke over (16) Whoever wins the play-in game SIIIIIIGHHHHHHHHH. I hate Duke. "Don't Be A Dummy" Theory, but I have them losing in the Sweet 16.

(9) St. John's over (8) San Diego St. To borrow from my dear friend +Kathryn Hoven 's strategy: "When in doubt, choose the Catholics." Also New York > California. Always.

(5) Utah over (12) Stephen F. Austin. I might have been drunk while making my picks? Why do I like Utah over Stephen F. Austin? I don't. It snows in Utah. It doesn't in Texas. I thought "oh well Aunt Patty lives in Utah sometimes and I love Aunt Patty," but Aunt Patty also lives in Texas! Thanking my lucky stars brackets aren't due yet. I'm going back to change this one.  I DO WHAT I WANT. Dodged that bullet. (12) Stephen F. Austin over (5) Utah.

(4) Georgetown over (13) Eastern Washington. Because Georgetown reminds me of Olivia Pope and I think she rocks. Didn't Mellie go to Georgetown? I don't think so, but this gives me a platform to tell you people that Mellie is the best character on Scandal. I have Georgetown defeating Duke to go to the Elite 8. Somebody had to be called upon to defeat Duke. It was Georgetown's time to shine. Also Georgetown reminds me of George Washington and that hilarious meme article that +Kerry Benn and I found earlier this year. Except I guess shouldn't Eastern Washington remind me of George Washington? Too bad. It doesn't.

(6) SMU over (11) UCLA Because I picked all the other 11 seeds.

(3) Iowa State over (14) UAB.  Even though I NEVER EVER EVER want to see another Iowa State fan as long as I live, I still give them this vote. They beat KU in the Big 12 Tournament Championship. So, respect, but NEVER COME BACK TO KANSAS CITY THIS PAST WEEKEND WAS SO ANNOYING. WHO COMES TO KC AND SPENDS THEIR ENTIRE WEEKEND IN THE POWER AND LIGHT DISTRICT? (I have them going to the National Championship and losing to KU in one of my brackets with my college friends. HOW'S THAT FEEL, CYCLONES?!?!?!?!)

(10) Davidson over (7) Iowa. I happen to know Tyler Kalinoski, the Player of the year and star of Davidson. He's one of Dan's pals from high school. I want him to do well during his senior year! Also I can't pick THREE Iowa schools. Iowa sucks, you guys.

(2) Gonzaga over (15) North Dakota St. Can you imagine how cold it gets in North Dakota? No thanks.

WHEN IN DOUBT CHOOSE THE CATHOLICS

As inspired by Klew's previous post, and even before that from the essay text she sent explaining her reasoning behind every bracket pick. Laughed so hard I snorted. Side eye from my boss was worth it.

SO, I do not have Klew's winning streak in NCAA bracket pools. I have lost every single pool I have ever been involved in. But I am not daunted. One day my genius will be recognized.

Also can I say the ESPN bracket system is the worst? Why is it taking me eleven pages to reach my bracket? Am I dumb? No, I already told you, unrecognized genius.

LET US PROCEED.

SOUTH

(1) Florida over (16) Albany because I was born in Jacksonville, and always been a Gators fan over the Seminoles (especially for you, Timmy). Also. Albany not even close to my favorite part of NY soooo not enough to pull me from the Gators. Even though orange and blue is borderline unforgivable. Florida will go on to beat Pitt and VCU because sure.

(9) Pittsburgh over (8) Colorado because East Coast over everything, guys. Also had a cool friend from high school who was a really good basketball player go to Pitt, and I like when my people are happy. Even if he fails to give Kansas the love it so obviously deserves. Also, Colorado, you're the dumbest for leaving the Big XII so bye forever, Buffs. Pittsburgh will go on to lose to Florida, with dignity.

(5) VCU over (12) SF Austin because their coach reminds me of Tupac. I really have no other explanation, but I don't mess with Tupac. Didn't like their bizarre runs in the past, so congrats on losing to Florida because I don't want to play you.

(4) UCLA over (13) Tulsa, because I respect traditions, and also a former high school crush went there. Should probably invest less in high school connections, as I am 22 and also hated high school. But no love for Oklahoma, really, because it was a boring state to drive through. Loses to VCU and goes home to tan in LA.

(6) Ohio State over (11) Dayton. Please listen to Klew and me, OHIO IS THE WORST. So to choose, I chose the version of Ohio I hate more. The longer Ohio State stays in, the longer I get to hate them mercilessly which brings me irrational glee. And no, I will not use the "The", Ohio State, so grab your buckeyes and get out. Ohio State knocks out Syracuse so I can continue to loathe.

(3) Syracuse over (14) W. Michigan. Tradition and East Coast. Boom. Though I haven't forgiven them for past KU woes, so don't expect them to stick around. #neverforget

(10) Stanford over (7) New Mexico. Pledge granddaughter's dad teaches at Stanford Law. He's also a Jayhawk. Easy.

(2) Kansas over (15) W. Kentucky. LISTEN. You just don't mess with the best. I had teachers in New Jersey write Rock Chalk on my tests. I gave my "informational speech" in sixth grade on KU and ended it teaching my classmates the Rock Chalk chant. Cool boys in high school (not stopping) spoke to me exclusively because of my Jayhawk shirts during the tourney.  I've been betrothed to a different hawk every season (I am not over Tyrel Reed being married yet.) Third generation Jayhawk. Keep on keeping on. See ya at the ship.

EAST

(1) Virginia over (16) Costal Carolina. Edgar Allan Poe went to UVA, and it's also the prettiest ever. Charlottesville is real cool. My bosses's son goes there, and he's also cool. In it to win it for a while, go Cavs.

(9) George Washington over (8) Memphis. If you think for ONE MINUTE I've forgotten the thuggery of Memphis YOU DON'T KNOW ME. Forever be gone. This is your gain, George Washington. Enjoy losing to UVA.

(5) Cincy over (12) Harvard because I want Harvard to win but I once read an article about a Harvard player having to run suicides because he couldn't spell/define some archaic nonsense. Into archaic nonsense. Not on a basketball court. Play ball, Cincy (you lose to Michigan State so sucks to suck).

(4) Michigan State over (13) Delaware. So many people from my high school went to UDel and no one could ever make a Blue Hen sound serious. Also Tom Izzo looks like a grizzled Jon Bon Jovi so let's hear it for Jersey connections (things that make sense in my brain but look weird in written words).

(6) UNC over (11) Providence. My go to rule is when in doubt, choose the Catholics, but UNC can enjoy its KU foundation for a bit longer. Small factor: had a real love/hate relationship with Tyler Hansborough when I was younger in that I LOATHED HIM but also probably would have dated him. Also Roy's health seriously suffers when UNC underperforms, and that bums me out. So go ahead, Carolina blue is the worst color though, ignore Klew. They lose to Iowa State.

(3) Iowa State over (14) North Carolina Central. And why do they lose to Iowa State? Because I want little Iowa State hope to grow and be UTTERLY CRUSHED BY TOM IZZO/JON BON JOVI. Don't even like the Spartans. That's how irritated I am with Iowa State. YOUR CYCLONE WARNING CHEER IS IRRESPONSIBLE.

Rest of east doesn't matter, except once I was stuck in Milwaukee's airport and everything and everyone was truly awful and the only element of comfort was a poster about cheese curds. Couldn't even find the cheese curds. You're nothing to me, Milwaukee.

WEST

(1) Arizona over (16) Weber State, because you always give us trouble. I respect that. They will lose to Oklahoma though.

(8) Gonzaga over (9) Oklahoma State. Zags, because Catholic. SUP JESUITS. (I think they are Jesuits, there will be factions of my family mad I do not know this for sure. Pretty sure.) ALSO, NO HAPPINESS FOR YOU MARCUS SMART. NONE. Flipper swims in a river of his own tears back to Oklahoma.

(6) Baylor over (11) Nebraska because if you leave the Big XII you are dead to me. But Baylor loses to Creighton on the double offense of their awful highlighter uniforms, and Catholics beat Baptists. Sorry to see a bear mascot go, though.

(2) Wisconsin over (15) American. Wisconsin goes pretty far, because Badgers are cool I guess, if you're a Hufflepuff. But my craziest neighbors of all time were Wisconsin fans, so taste defeat and LIKE IT. That's for feeding the deer, YA LOON.

(3) Creighton over (14) Louisiana Lafayette. Creighton is in my Final Four because both Catholic and witty. Remember those That Shit Creigh, Ain't It Jay student section shirts? GENIUS. Also one of my all time favorite sorority sisters has family ties, so I'm down. Even though it would be cool to relive '88, Creighton beats Oklahoma. See ya, Sooners. Welcome to the Final Four, Creighton.

(7) Oregon over (10) BYU. DUCKS FLY TOGETHER.

MIDWEST

(1) Wichita State over (16) Cal Poly. Didn't even know Wichita State existed when I came to Kansas. It's a whole new world. So, do what ya gotta do, Kansans, I guess. Also, sup to Wiggins' brother.

(9) K State over (9) Kentucky.  How to choose between two evils? KState is purple (WORST) and Octogon of Doom sounds like a lame WWE special I would skip past every single time on TV. But Calipari strikes me as the absolute slimiest of specimens, and thus no happiness for Kentucky. Guess I like when the Big XII has some success too, but at WHAT COST, KSTATE. WHAT COST.

(5) SLU over (12) North Carolina State. Catholics PLUS a billiken (sp?? does anyone really know?) looks like a Dr. Seuss character. Wait, is it a Dr. Seuss character? Also my dad is from St. Louis so that's cool. General disdain for universities with "state" in their names- no explanation, no excuse.

(4) Louisville (4) over Manhattan (13). Because even though I love the city, I'm not an idiot. Also people don't get jazzed about college athletics out here like they do pretty much anywhere else in the continental United States. Should've seen the local news coverage of it- just a blink. But listening to the apparent 15 variations on how to say Louisville gets old real fast, so they won't be sticking around long haul.

(11) Tennessee over (6) Massachusetts. Gonna be real honest, I'm finishing this post at work and I can't tell you who I picked. Maybe the vols because my little brother wanted to go there when he was younger? Maybe Massachusetts because I wish I was from Boston/a Kennedy? Irrelevant, they lose to Duke either way.

(3) Duke over (14) Mercer. Here is my deep dark secret- I love Duke. I fell in love with JJ Redick in middle school and never looked back. My family is disgusted. My Kansas friends DON'T EVEN KNOW. But here we are. I love Duke. Did you know the Duke family lived in Jersey and wanted to rename Princeton after the family, but Princeton was like "uh gonna go with no", so the Dukes basically rebuilt Princeton in North Carolina? Ballsy. Duke Farms still exists up here. I love Coach K, I can't spell his name. I love Jay Bilas. I love the Blue Devils. Welcome to my Final Four, I'll look fondly at your tears when you lose to my hawks.

(10) ASU over (7) Texas. Almost went to Texas, but instead the worst human in my graduating class did. My high school pettiness is to your gain, ASU.

(2) Michigan over (15) Wofford. The Arctic Monkeys had an early EP that was called "Who the F*** Are Arctic Monkeys?" that's what I think about when I hear the name Wofford. Also, #grateful Wofford isn't on my resume, because jokes galore, right? Right? Tons of great people I know went to Michigan, including my super cool English department mentor who plays in an all girl Irish rock band, who also spells Kathryn the right way. So welcome to the Elite Eight Michigan!

Upon finishing this, I already know Ohio State is out. Bracket busted. You should all know Klew has been taunting me with screenshots of the score, so, that's nice.

FINAL FOUR: Kansas Jayhawks, Creighton Jays, Michigan State Spartans, Duke Blue Devils.

KU vs Duke, endless parades culminating in my wedding to Wayne Selden. See ya'll there.

KATH OUT.

I'm the most hated of all of my cousins every single March, and i'm totally cool with that.

Well well well, here we are again ladies and gents. The Big 12 Tournament has ended (stupidly if you ask me. Don't criticize me. I know stupidly is not a profound and intelligent choice of a word. Don't care. That's the term I choose to describe the Big 12 Tournament.)

Selection Sunday has come and gone, and it's that time again. Time for the Big Dance. No, I'm not talkin senior prom (was that a lame joke? I don't care. I never went to senior prom. KC Cheer or die y'all.) IT'S TIME FOR THE NCAA BASKETBALL TOURNAMENT!!!!!!!!!

My family all signed up for ESPN accounts a few years ago and we put our brackets into a group and compete to see who ends up picking the most accurate bracket. All. Of. Us. My cousins, aunts, uncles, even my grandma. It's a ton of fun because we all love to talk shit, and because it gives you something to be invested in when the teams you DGAF about are playing.

Here's a little bit of background on my family members and their obsession with basketball: A lot of the boy cousins on my mom's side of the family are HUGE basketball fans. Like they all played in high school, one of them played in college, they LOVE basketball. Hell, there's a 30 for 30 that features my cousins' grandfather, and their uncle was on the coaching staff at UNC for a hot second. Like, they're ALL ABOUT IT. They go nuts whenever I'm in Allen Fieldhouse and I snap a pic and send it to them. They spend quite a bit of time and expertise trying to engineer the perfect winning bracket...

...and I beat them all almost every year. They GET SO MAD!

This is because I could really care less about the sport of Basketball. I am a fan because I attended the greatest Basketball school in the country (I'm not even going to be politically correct and say "arguably." There's nothing to argue about. KU is the greatest.) and even if you don't care for basketball, you love KU Basketball. It's really true. So I put no REAL strategy or thought into my bracket picks whatsoever, and I usually end up choosing a huge upset or two that nobody chose because they thought they did all the research and there is no mathematical way that the 13 seed just beat the 4 seed to get to the elite 8. Well LOL for you guys because it's March Madness. Literally anything can happen.

So this year I'm going to share with you all my bulletproof strategy to pick the winning bracket as a "mildly interested at best" participant in my family pool of basketball nerds. They're all literally going to kill me, and I can FEEL the large collective eye roll coming from Bobby and Chris O'Connell right now.  Hey, whatevs. My outrageous strategies get me mentioned in the email chain pretty frequently. No press is bad press you know what I'm sayin?!

My bracket has the same title every year: Hail to Old K Lew. It has the same winner every year: The University of Kansas. I said I was neither here nor there on the sport of basketball. I AM STEADFASTLY PASSIONATE about my love for the Jayhawks. So there ya go.

Hail to Old K Lew: My Picks for the 2014 NCAA Tournament that are going to win my family contest and piss off all my cousins. :) 

Hail to Old K Lew: My first round picks for the 2014 NCAA Tournament

There's a blog post explanation to accompany this. Read it here. 
Here ya go. Don't steal my tricks. Or do. Then you're just an idiot for copying something that is this farfetched out of my own brain.

The South Region:

(1) Florida over (16) Albany. While yes, I do use a lot of nonsense as part of my strategy for creating some of the top scoring brackets of all time, I'm not an idiot. Sometimes I do pick teams that I know are clearly better than their opponents. I always pick all of the #1 seeds to make it past the 1st round. I call this the "don't be a dummy" theory.

(9) Pittsburgh over (8) Colorado. This is more of a "I DON'T choose Colorado" thing. People from Colorado won't stfu about the fact that they can smoke weed legally and it's starting to get annoying. WE GET IT. So you don't get this too.

(5) VCU over (12) Stephen F. Austin. This was a tough one because SFA has deece cheerleading, but VCU beat KU in 2011. That deserves some respect. So there ya go VCU. That's all you're gettin from me.

(4) UCLA over (13) Tulsa. If you had to choose a place to live, between Los Angeles and Tulsa, Oklahoma, which would you pick? Yeah. I thought so. UCLA it is.

(11) Dayton over (6) Ohio State. This is like picking the nicest terrorist. Woof. If you know anything about me, you know I have personal beef with the state of Ohio. Worst state in the nation if you ask me (thanks to a less-than-great experience in Columbus Freshman year), and both of these schools are located in Ohio. Dayton gets my vote because my Aunt Trish and Uncle Tom both attended Dayton and it led to their true love. So that's worth something I guess. Screw you, Ohio.

(3) Syracuse over (14) W. Michigan. Same reason I picked Florida. The "Don't Be A Dummy" theory.

(10) Stanford over (7) New Mexico. I feel as if I met a Stanford alum and a New Mexico alum, I would probably have more in common with the Stanford alum. Is this profiling? Maybe. It's not intended to be, I just get a better vibe from Stanford. Also I like red.

(2) Kansas over (15) E. Kentucky. I don't think I have to explain this one, but I will anyway. THE UNIVERSITY OF KANSAS IS LITERALLY THE GREATEST THING TO EVER HAPPEN TO ANYONE EVER OF ALL TIME EVER. I'm fired up you guys. Rock Chalk Jayhawk. (In case you were curious, I picked them to win the entire thing. Shocked? You shouldn't be.)

The East Region

(1) Virginia over (16) Costal Carolina. "Don't Be a Dummy" Theory. Also Tina Fey graduated from the University of Virginia, so that logic perpetuated them all the way to the Elite 8 for me.

(8) Memphis over (9) George Washington. Memphis gave KU a run for our money in 2008. Obviously to no avail, so they get my vote because they tried. Had they beat us in 2008, I probably would choose George Washington here. Also enjoy this photo of Mario's Miracle while you think of Memphis.

(12) Harvard over (5) Cincinnati. Elle Woods went to Harvard, so that's that.

(4) Michigan State over (13) Deleware. This is more of a "not Deleware" vote. BLUE HENS? Nope. No. H8 it.

(6) UNC over (11) Providence: I love that color blue. Always have, always will. I dreamed of attending the University of North Carolina when I was young just because of how pretty the color blue is. Also Chapel Hill sounds like a delightful place.

(3) Iowa State over (14) NC Central. Even though I NEVER EVER EVER want to see another Iowa State fan as long as I live, I still give them this vote. They beat KU in the Big 12 Tournament. So, respect, but NEVER COME BACK TO KANSAS CITY THIS PAST WEEKEND WAS SO ANNOYING.

(7) UCONN over (10) St. Joseph's because I feel like it. Also I love dogs. Go Huskies.

(2) Villanova over (15) Milwaukee because IT SNOWS A LOT IN MILWAUKEE. NOPE. NOT HAVING ANY OF THAT. Also Mary Lewis wanted to go to Villanova so,

The West Region

(1) Arizona over (16) Weber State because it's warm in Arizona. Also I have some friends that went there. Also they're a 1 seed. Also who has ever heard of Weber State? Also I'm not a huge fan of Dr. Webber on Grey's Anatomy so Weber State, you don't get my vote.

(9) Oklahoma State over (8) Gonzaga. Oklahoma State has some of the best cheerleaders in the nation. This one was a no-brainer.

(5) Oklahoma over (12) North Dakota State. I can't even begin to fathom how cold it is in North Dakota. Also I think I might have liked to attend OU. Norman is a pretty nice place. Me and Dad went to Cane's there this fall. It was pleasant.

(4) SDSU over (13) New Mexico State because I clicked SDSU first.

(6) Baylor over (11) Nebraska. Nebraska has snow. Also Dr. Pepper was invented in Waco. I think Dr. Pepper is deece, so Baylor it is.

(14) Louisiana Lafayette over (3) Creighton. I did this one because I feel like everyone is going to pick Creighton and I want to be able to be smug if they don't win. I pick one of these every year for this very reason.

(10) BYU over (7) Oregon. Everyone at BYU is a Mormon and I LOVED the Book of Mormon. Also I don't like Oregon fans.

(2) Wisconsin over (15) American because OKAY AMERICAN. AMERICAN?! What the hell kind of college name is that? Everyone in the USA is American. You don't just get to HAVE THAT.

The Midwest Region

(1) Wichita State over (16) CalPoly or TX Southern. They're from Kansas. I feel obligated to throw them a bone. Anyone else think it's a tad ridiculous they're a 1 seed? Wichita is stupid, but whatever. Good for them.

(8) Kentucky over (9) Kansas State. I do not feel the aforementioned obligation toward Kansas State. I made this pick for the exact INVERSE reason I picked KU. Kansas State might be the worst thing to ever happen to anyone ever. Might be. I'm not gonna put all that evil on them, but you get what I'm saying.

(12) NC State or Xavier over (5) Saint Louis. One of my dearest friends, Cara Keeble is a Mizzou grad. In my opinion she is the most horrible sports fan of all time, simply because she's literally always against me. Keebs is at Grad School at SLU, so I felt obligated to choose against her out of spite. Keeble will probably be in my wedding, but I'm throwing her zero bones during March Madness.

(4) Louisville over (13) Manhattan. Because I would KILL to be a Louisville Cheerleader. Those bows! They are God's gift to cheerleading.

(11) Iowa or Tennessee over (6) U Mass. Because if you put a "D" in front of U Mass it's DUMASS. Nuff said.

(3) Duke over (14) Mercer. "Don't Be A Dummy" theory.

(7) Texas over (10) Arizona State. Whataburger exists in Texas. Do I need to say anything else? If you really need me to say something else, my former teammate Jessica Tauber is a UT Cheerleader and for my 20th birthday she gave me a Texas Cheer t-shirt.

(2) Michigan over (15) Wofford because who has ever heard of Wofford? I want to put syrup on Wofford and eat it for breakfast!