Get a Klew: dates

Lots to discuss about this week's episode of "The Bachelor." Annie and Chelsea came over to watch with me. I know I know, the KU game was on at 8. We caught the end of it. Please don't send us to KU Basketball Hell (Which I imagine to be Iowa State's arena for the rest of eternity. Still hating everything about last Monday's game)

1. Juan Pablo went on a one on one date with Casandra.

First of all, she's 21 years old. I get that she has a kid so you identify with her, but she's still 21. She showed her age like 4 million times during this entire exchange. SHE. IS. TOO. YOUNG. FOR YOU. They went on this boat car thing and rode it out to a yacht and chilled on the yacht and then had dinner at his house... Which Annie thought was his actual house...and she didn't realize they go home and change between the day and the evening. "HOW DID HER HAIR LOOK THAT PERFECT AFTER SWIMMING." ....ok, annie.

2. Elise thought she was gonna get a one-on-one date with Juan Pablo and then she got shafted

Take a shot every time she calls Chelsie "just a little girl" ...surprise, you're wasted.

3. Chelsie went on the Bachelor "lets jump off something" date

They do this every season. Annie pointed that out. "DO YOU REALIZE THEY DID THIS LAST SEASON! Duh Annie. You're captain obvious when we watch this. But ya. Bungee jumping off a cliff. In the words of Hoven, "I would rather be executed by firing squad than do this." She cried about it for like 20 minutes too long. The way I see it, if you die in a bungee jumping accident, it's your time. THAT NEVER EVER HAPPENS, so if it happens to you then just deal with it. you'll die instantly on impact and it was obviously in god's plan for you to go to heaven haha. So they eventually jumped and then, JUST LIKE THEY SAY EVERY SINGLE SEASON, she made some comment about how bungee jumping was a "leap of faith" and a "metaphor for their relationship" because obviously if you can trust someone to go bungee jumping with you, you can trust them to be your life partner. K. "Juan Pablo made me feel safe and made sure I trusted we would be fine when we jumped!" No, certified professionals made sure you were safe and trusted you would be fine when you jumped. It's their job.

4. They went on a group date to go play soccer.

I'm surprised nobody took their tops off a la Brandi Chastain

but it was kinda boring. Lucy's hair was wet during the night part of the date, which is concerning because there was no water element involved at any time. Only logical explanation is that she probably sprayed her water bottle all over herself in an attempt to look sexy. Which just cracks me up and gives Lucy 10000 more points in my book. Lots of the girls you could tell were pissed bc they were unathletic and they didn't want to look stupid in front of Juan Pablo. Especially Sharleen. Which leads me to....

5. Juan Pablo makes out with Sharleen in the middle of the soccer field

EW. EW. EW. EW. EW. IT WAS SO GROSS. I WAS NEAR TEARS. OMG. He basically sucked all over her face and I never want to see anything like that ever again for as long as I live.

6. Juan Pablo came over to cook the girls breakfast

Aka he wanted to see who would freak the F out if he saw them without makeup. "Does this mean I have to put clothes on?" -Lucy. I would not have enjoyed this breakfast. I don't like eggs. So then I would have just not eaten it and he would think I'm an ungrateful bitch. Also Chelsea commented that they live with a hairstylist so "why wouldn't you go ask the hairstylist to help you with your hair if you look awful?" And Annie replied "Ya but if I was the hairstylist I wouldn't help them because I wouldn't want them to look prettier than me." So moral of the story is that if Annie gets on the Bachelor ever she's there to win, and is going to be rather cutthroat about it.

7. They decided they would have a pool party instead of a cocktail party

Everyone put on their swimsuits, everyone tried to walk past Juan Pablo in her swimsuit. People got drunk, and drama started happening. everyone was crying bc he was not giving them the most attention. It was like a meltdown of epic proportions. Meanwhile, Lucy was just floating around in the pool alone. Giving not one single F**k.

8. Lucy gets sent home

NOOOOOOO PRODUCERS WHYYYYY! WHY COULDN'T YOU KEEP HER AROUND FOR ONE MORE EPISODE!?!? SHE WAS SO FUNNY!

"Love lucy. So funny. Bummed she's gone." -Bones, on Lucy's departure

"everyone liked her because they knew she wasnt a threat...high 24/7" -Bones, on Lucy's departure

"Lol you can tell she didn't shower for the rose ceremony. Because obviously dgaf." -Bones, on lucy

"Lol i'd be friends with her." -Bones, on Lucy

"Because during the group date with the dogs everyone was crying about their outfits and she was walking a dog naked. Dgafing so hard."

Her exit interview was so cute though. She was like "I hope everyone gets what they're looking for bcauase everyone deserves to be happy." Preach Lucy. You were a psycho nutcase, but I shall miss you.

All in all, hilarious episode. Love coming together with friends to spend time watching this and laughing about it.

Also if he doesn't end up with Renee this show is screwed. She's normal AF, and stunning, and his age. Team Renee all the way. Also team Kansas City girl just bc I want to watch him go to KC on the hometown date.

Ali

~~Christy~~

Kat

~~Lucy~~

Have a juanderful evening,

Last night was Monday night which means the Bachelor was on again! This week Juan Pablo went on two one-on-one dates as well as a group date.

I really did not like either of the date choices this week. The first girl had a "winter wonderland" date in LA. Like they made their own snow and ice rink and they did winter things in the 70 degree weather. I WOULD HAVE HATED THAT. WHY WOULD YOU PUT SNOW IN A PLACE ON PURPOSE. Oh my god. I just really hate the snow. The second date was the Electric Run. Aka they ran a 5k for their date. In the words of the ever wise Kathryn Hoven, "I would vomit on that date, both from rage and exercise." Couldn't have said it better myself.

The group date was pretty cool but also a little bit psycho. Okay a LOT psycho. They had to model for a photo shoot with some dogs from a shelter in efforts to get the dogs adopted. I think it's a really cool cause and I'm sure the girl who's occupation is "dog lover" was ALLLL over that. However, they made some of the girls dress up in ridiculous costumes and they even made two of the girls pose naked.

One of the girls who originally was meant to be naked refused because she is a first grade teacher and wanted to be seen as a role model at all times because she knew her kids were going to be watching this. YOU GO GIRLFRIEND. I'm so glad she stood up for herself. There is no way in HELL I would ever do that, and I was actually kind of shocked that the producers/Juan Pablo even asked the girls to do that. Um, HELLO. That is totally contradictory to everything you're trying to make this show about. I feel like the producers of the Bachelor are constantly trying to convince people that these are "real people" with "real feelings" and are there to "find love" and start a life. So with that mindset, you should be casting women who are set in their career lives and are now looking for love. What woman who has a solid career is going to voluntarily pose nude on TV for a reality show on which she's supposed to be falling in love? Is Juan Pablo REALLY going to love you any more or less depending on whether or not you take all of your clothes off on TV? I just think it kind of wrecks the show's credibility (okay, I get it that it really has no credibility, but you know what I mean). If this was a real as they say it is, they would do a lot more dates at just straight up restaurants or doing an activity together that would help them bond. I just don't see how this helped them bond. I lost a little bit of respect for the Lawyer chick who did it anyways, but once she explained her reasoning I gained it back. I still like her. Also the girl who is "free spirit" just walks around completely naked all the time. OKAY JAUN PABLO. Do you really think the girl who enjoys flashing the camera for a laugh is suitable to be the future stepmother of your daughter? She cracks me up, but her days are numbered.

Also, one of the girls got TOTALLY OBLITERATED during the drinks and socializing after the group date. Like, "Hawk-Dollar-night-freshman-year-puke-in-your-own-hand-and-not-even-realize-it" wasted. It was HILARIOUS. Also if I was that girl I would never show my face in public ever again. Juan Pablo waited for her to sober up and then got rid of her because obviously he can't have some chick that can't even handle herself be around his four year old. She was nuts. Hilariously embarrassing trashy tv moment.

All-in-all, pretty hilarious episode. Favorite is still the mom Renee. If he doesn't pick her then I think that's dumb. That's all I have to say.

(And yes, I watched this instead of the first half of the KU game because I couldn't handle the HORRENDOUS COLOR COMBINATION that was happening at Iowa State. Omg. Talk about that at another date.)

Urs Truly,

Ali

~~Amy L~~