Hi everybody. My name is Katie. I'm 27 years old (as of yesterday) and my two favorite foods on planet earth are grilled cheese sandwiches and chocolate chip cookies.
Here I am to tell you why this has become a problem.
When I was 17 years old I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease. In the past few years, the doctors have been able to hone in on my specific case and have decided my official diagnosis is Mixed Connective Tissue Disease (MCTD). From what I understand, MCTD is the umbrella under which Rheumatoid Arthritis, Lupus and Scleroderma live. MCTD can manifest in all sorts of ways, and mine has decided to be totally chic and unique and show up as Interstitial Lung Disease.
It was a really weird and painful journey to get to the Lung Disease diagnosis. There was a super awesome nine-month period where I couldn't eat anything without puking it up or having it pass directly through me, and nobody could seem to tell me why. I wasted away to nothing (5'10, about 115 lbs). I'll spare you the whole nutso story with all of the details (because privacy is my right as a PATIENT it's called HIPAA LOOK IT UP), but I got so sick that I ended up in the hospital with sepsis and had to stay there for a week. I missed one of my best friend's weddings and it was all very overwhelming. This is when they found the lung disease. I have never smoked a THING in my life. There is nothing I could have done to prevent this from happening. It is just how my autoimmune disease has decided to present itself. My body is attacking its own lungs.
That was June. Since then I've been in "recovery mode," trying to adjust to living with this chronic illness. I had to take 3 months off of work, where I was at the doctor more times than I can count. I'm currently taking about 40 pills a day, and I've been hospitalized one other time since, just because it was "too cold outside" and "my lungs weren't ready to handle it" (are you kidding).
At the risk of sounding totally depressing, but also in the interest of total transparency, it is a struggle to exist. I'm tired eternally, and I carry a monster of a cough with me at all times. (My mom says it is helpful for finding me in a store). My chest always hurts and my heart races. I can barely bathe myself without huffing and puffing to get it all done, and if it's less than 75 degrees I turn purple because my circulation is terrible. I am in a constant state of discomfort and exhaustion. At this point I have lost the ability to articulate what exactly "doesn't feel good," so most of the time I'm confused, frustrated by my inability to communicate and just live in a big old cloudy haze. I try very hard to keep a positive attitude because I know that is essential (and it's also my default state), but you can imagine that sometimes I get a smidge discouraged. There isn't a manual for how to deal or what to expect.
Among all of the incredible specialists I'm seeing to help get all of this under control is a team of Integrative Medicine doctors. I am seeing them to try to remedy a lot of the damage that I did to my body during the 9 months I couldn't eat anything. They have advised that I adopt a gluten-free, dairy-free diet for 90 days, starting January 1.
..............................................................wut.
If you know me at all, the mere suggestion of this to ME is a hilarious joke. I am 27 years old and don't know how to cook for myself, because I've been able to sustain on fast food all this time without getting fat. I also have the palate of a 9 year old. I'm picky as hell, and I love cookies and sweets and pastries and french fries and cheeseburgers and bread. Like I said before, grilled cheese is my favorite food. When I have told my friends that I have to go gluten-free, the reply is usually "LOL GOOD LUCK OMG."
I am annoyed by "health bloggers" I see on Instagram bragging about how delicious their Kale Salads are and how they love vegan chocolate. I used to make fun of these people all the time, and would roll my eyes at all of it. "You're not eating anything with any joy in it. What fun is that?" I know, I know, I'm completely in the wrong here. Being conscious of your health and good to your body is nothing to ridicule, and clearly I need to take a page from these people's books because my health sucks and I'm miserable all the time.
In one of my more melodramatic moments, I believe my quote was "TELLING ME I HAVE TO GO GLUTEN-FREE IS THE SAME AS WHEN THEY TOLD JULIE ANDREWS SHE CAN'T SING ANYMORE. IT WOULD BE LIKE CUTTING OFF USAIN BOLT'S LEGS." (Like I said, I have a flare for the dramatics that is only made worse by the high dosage of steroids I'm now taking daily)
BUT, the doctors think it will make me feel immensely better, not only clearing up all of the malnutrition I'm dealing with, but it could also ease some of the symptoms of my autoimmune disease. They say something like (I'm going to butcher this, but) 3 months is how long it takes for your immune system to reset itself from an irritant, and they suspect that gluten is acting as an irritant to my system. They say if I can make it 3 months without gluten or dairy, my system will clear itself out and I will likely not crave any of those foods anymore and feel immensely better. At this point I'm willing to try anything to make me feel better and allow me to live a (somewhat) normal 27 year-old life.
So from January 1 to March 31, I will be going completely gluten-free (and I THINK dairy-free too? TBA on that one). I've decided to keep a public diary because I'm a skeptic and I need to keep myself accountable. I honestly don't think I can do it. This sounds so silly, but I truly think it's going to be the hardest thing I'll ever do. I know I'm going to be all sorts of ticked when all I want is a bagel for breakfast and I have to eat something stupid that I don't want. I don't WANT to eat healthy. I want to be able to eat lots of trash and carry on with my life. But obviously I know, this is not an option anymore.
I'm going to keep this diary to keep track of how I feel and what I eat. I'm truly hoping to be proven wrong, and at the end of this all the amounts of awful I feel have faded away, and I'm turned into a true believer. In the meantime, it'll be hilarious to watch the pizza lover sweat it out with some stupid flatbread with weird tomatoes on it.
My mom and dad are actual real superheroes, and are going to help me be able to make this happen. We'll spend all of December planning recipes and looking for gluten-free alternatives to my faves. I'll post sporadically between now and Jan 1, and then I HOPE to post my meals and my feelings every day during that three months. (This might be a tall order, but we'll see).
I'm open to suggestions of recipes. Tips, tricks, hints. Any of it. I'm totally unaware and uneducated when it comes to cooking and healthy eating, so if you got wisdom, I got ears. To you, I surrender.
In the meantime, enjoy this picture of me with a chocolate chip cookie. Gosh, this was a good chocolate chip cookie. Sigh.
Stay Tuned,
klew
Stay Tuned,
klew
